Many of you know that I just completed my second round of Body Back Transformation with Fit4Mom Louisville. Several other moms in the program this round were also repeaters and to add a little extra something to the 2nd experience, our coach would send us an additional weekly challenge. Last week, our final full week of the program, we were asked to take some time to write a letter to ourselves about our journey.
I shared my letter with the fellow BB repeaters. Their response and encouragement led me to share it here also. I wish you could read all of the letters that were shared among us. The impact this program has had on the lives of the women involved reaches far beyond their physical appearance.
But here is mine…
You’d told yourself many times before that you would get serious about making healthier choices. You’d imagined how you’d feel once the hard work paid off. You’d fantasized about all of the things you’d be confident enough to do once you were skinny… like stand next to your super tiny sister in a bikini, not worry about the lighting in a dressing room, hell… have sex totally naked with the lights on.
This started way before you had a baby. It started before you got married. It started while you were still wearing size 4 jeans. It started back when other people desperately wished they had a body like yours. Of course, the reflection in your mirror told another story. Those seeds of self doubt were planted long before you were even an adult. You’ve been vainly obsessing about your appearance for years.
So, you’d promise yourself you’d lose more weight. But, time and time again that vacation, party, or other deadline would roll around and nothing changed. Your body may have stayed the same but your opinion of it got even worse. Then you got pregnant and for once, had weight to lose that other people noticed. That was hard. You’d failed to live up to your own standards so many times over the years but up until then, it had all been in secret. Your insecurities were more visible and self esteem was at an all time low.
It was time to make a change (again). Fast forward a few months and it turns out… you did it!! The thing is though…. you didn’t do it for anyone but yourself. You came to terms with the changes your body went through to have a baby before Body Back ever started. You faced the reality of the situation and didn’t make excuses for it. It was hard to accept at first but you finally gave yourself a break…. something you’d never allowed yourself before. And that internal grace fueled the self love you needed to finally believe in yourself. You embarked on the Body Back transformation with a fierce dedication unlike anything you’d experience in the past.
I hope you will carry that sense of compassion and kindness towards yourself through all stages of life. Allow yourself to be human and that means not getting everything right all the time. You may be a perfectionist but you CANNOT be perfect. Don’t waste your time pursuing the unattainable. Focus on what you CAN do because you are capable of SO much.
At the start of this 2nd round of Body Back, my friend Courtney mentioned that this program was teaching her how to become her own friend. Thinking back now, I guess that’s what happened with me as well. I’d never be as hard on a friend (and certainly not my own child) as I was on myself. So, why was a treating myself so differently? I don’t have this whole self-acceptance thing totally figured out yet but I do know I’ve never been more at peace with myself. You can give yourself a break but still hold yourself accountable.
MY ROUND 2 RESULTS:
I’m pretty nervous to share some of these pictures. Even with all I’ve said previously, my eyes immediately go to everything I still see “wrong” with my body. I hope that my doing this encourages someone else to take that step in the direction of bettering themselves (in whatever way they need). And I’m reminding myself that the only person looking at this likely to pick it apart is me!
This round I specifically set out to lose another 7(ish) pounds, do 15 push ups in a row with good form, and hold a 3 minute plank.
I lost 9.6 pounds and 5.25 inches. I’ve lost 23.8 pounds total during my two rounds of BB and 29 total since January 1, 2017. I conquered my push up goal and surpassed my plank goal with a total of 3 minutes and 8 seconds. I wanted so badly to give up during the final plank assessment… there was sweat dripping in and burning my eyes and every muscle in my body was screaming but with lots of words of encouragement, I stuck with it!
(Gulp)….. so here’s the first transformation pic. First pic is from Jan 20th. I wish I’d taken one in December because I’d already lost 7 pounds at this point. The second pic is Day one of Body Back Round 2. And the third pic is from yesterday, after final assessments! I still wish I could get rid of that roundness that developed after I had Lyla but I’ve definitely made huge progress!
Below is my arm before (bottom) and after (top) but you can also kind of see a difference in my upper abdomen. This “before” is from the start of BB Round 2. I wish I had a good one from the same angle from January because that would really tell the full story. My arms have by far been the area I’ve been most self conscious about. They arent perfect but much improved.
And here is my leg before and after… again, I only have it from beginning of BB Round 2 to the end (bummer). I was just so self conscious before the first round; there are not a lot of pictures of me period during that time let alone very revealing ones! I don’t notice a huge change in size as far as my legs go but I can definitely tell you they are A LOT stronger. I also feel like I can see places where my skin is more smooth (i.e. Less cellulite) but maybe it’s just the lighting. Trust me, I’ve analyzed every pixel in these pics and have gone back and forth on posting so I may be seeing things.
I wish every woman could go through this process. You go into it focusing on all the things you want to lose… inches, weight, dress sizes, “tent” clothes, etc… and you will lose those things if you give yourself to the process. But, you come out of it having gained things like confidence, strength, new friends, willpower, education, and a wonderful support system. The losses are good but the gains are great!